


Cheer Up (You'll Find Love on Christmas)

by whispered_story



Series: Unrelated J2 Christmas Fics [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Christmas, First Time, Holidays, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 19:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The looming writer's strike, a family dinner Jensen's not looking forward to, and his unrequited feelings for Jared – Christmas isn't looking very promising this year. [reposted, first posted 19/12/2011]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheer Up (You'll Find Love on Christmas)

Jensen usually likes Christmas. 

Every year around the holiday, the same rush of excitement he'd felt ever since he was a kid returns. He gets a little more cheerful, a little more appreciative. Christmas means family and too much food. It means apple cider, cookies, peppermint coffee and the smell of pine trees in the air. For the last few years, Christmas in Vancouver means bundling up in layers of clothes, any inch of exposed skin stinging from the cold, and the childlike hope that maybe it'll snow.

Unlike Jared though, Jensen doesn't go crazy on Christmas. He appreciates the holidays and everything that comes with it, but it's more a silent enjoyment. He puts up a tree in his apartment -- something he's done since he moved out of his parent's house after high school -- but that's all the decorating he does, and he eats Christmas cookies on set but would never bake any himself. He drinks the peppermint coffees Jared buys him, but if he goes to get a coffee himself he sticks to the same coffee he drinks all year long. He only watches Christmas movies when he channel-surfs and happens to stumble upon one he knows he likes. 

Jared's different. There's a wreath on his door, garlands on the banister, strings of lights everywhere, everything in his house glittering and sparkling. He even puts up stockings for himself and the dogs. He bakes cookies, stocks up on apple cider and eggnog, has a whole playlist of Christmas songs and checks the TV program for Christmas movies, making a plan of the ones he absolutely has to watch, and then he gets disappointed when filming makes him miss most of them.

It's both adorable and ridiculous at the same time, how much Jared is into Christmas. Jensen suspects he would be a lot less charmed by it though if it wasn't for the fact that he has a crush on Jared the size of Texas. Scrap that -- he developed a crush the size of Texas pretty much the first time he shook Jared's hand. Now, over two and a half years later, Jensen is so in love with Jared it hurts. It hurts because Jensen's never been so in love with someone before and Jared is blissfully unaware of Jensen's feelings.

After the previous two years, Jensen knows how Jared gets around Christmas time and knows Jared's going to include him in most of his plans for the holiday season while they're still in Vancouver. He drags Jensen to stores, makes him help decorate Jared's place and sneaks a few more decorations into Jensen's apartment. He even enlists Jensen as his helping hand in the kitchen when he bakes even though Jensen entering a kitchen usually leads to disaster.

This year though, things feel different. This year, the weeks leading up to Christmas feel bittersweet. With the writer's strike going on, nobody's sure if the episodes they're shooting right now will end up being their last ones and even if they're coming back, the longer the strike drags on the more people from the crew they might lose. And then there's Christmas itself, which, for the first time in a long time, is giving Jensen a stomach ache every time he thinks about it.

His mother's been calling him, throwing different ideas around for what to do on Christmas. Usually, they spend Christmas at his parents' or grandparents' house, but this year one of Jensen's aunts is insisting she'll host a big Christmas dinner for everyone. Jensen's aunt, who married a homophobic dick. Jensen's not looking forward to spending Christmas having to listen to snide comments and slurs being muttered under that asshole's breath. 

"We're not going," his mother insists over the phone. Jensen takes a sip of his coffee and sighs, nodding at a few people as he walks to his trailer.

"Mom," he says. "It's not a big deal, okay? I don't mind having Christmas dinner at Aunt Sylvie's. I can handle a few stupid comments."

"You shouldn't have to," Donna argues. "Nobody should have to deal with things like that. Much less from their own family."

Jensen reaches his trailer and he presses his cell between his shoulder and ear, freeing one hand to open the door and step inside. 

"It's not like the rest of the family agrees with her husband," he says, pushing clothes and books off the couch to sit down. Half of the stuff belongs to Jared and Jensen can't even remember how it all ended up in his trailer -- Jared has the tendency to spread his stuff everywhere, invading every inch of Jensen's life. "Everyone else will be there and we don't get to see a lot of them often enough as it is. And grandma and grandpa would be disappointed if we didn't show up."

"Everyone is more than welcome to drop by our place. I'm not subjecting you to my sister's family," Donna says, sounding final. 

"Mom," Jensen sighs. "Please. Just...think about it, okay? Talk to dad, talk to grandma -- see what they think. Honestly, you don't have to do this because of me. I'm okay with going."

"Well, I'm not," Donna replies.

There's a knock on Jensen's door and he groans. "Coming," he calls out. "Mom, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow or something, okay?"

"You do that, sweetie," his mother says. "And say hi to Jared for me."

"Will do," Jensen promises before hanging up. He gets up with a heavy sigh, finishing his coffee as he goes and opens his trailer door to find one of the PAs smiling a little impatiently at him.

"You're needed on set," she says, and Jensen nods.

+

On the way home from set that night, Jensen rests his head on Jared's shoulder. There's a headache forming behind his eyes, a dull pain that's slowly been getting stronger in the last couple of hours. Having been thrown around set hasn't helped and Jensen is ready to go to bed and just sleep the day off.

"You okay?" Jared asks softly, carding his fingers through Jensen's hair once.

"Yeah," Jensen lies.

Jared lets his hand drop, resting lightly on Jensen's shoulder. "Get some sleep," he murmurs. "I'll wake you up when you're home."

Jensen gives a brief nod, knowing Jared will understand it as the thank you it's meant to be, and lets his eyes slide close.

+

Jensen feels worse the next day. The headache's gone, but he feels tired and tense, and the gloomy faces on set aren't doing much to cheer him up. 

"It's Christmas," Jared says mournfully. "Everyone should be cheerful and excited."

"Well, it's hard to be cheerful when you don't know if you'll have a job next month," Jensen replies dryly.

Jared shoots him a look. "Optimism, Jensen. Look it up in the dictionary and embrace it."

"I'm just being realistic. We don't know if we'll be back next year. It's not exactly making me feel overjoyed right now. I'm just -- I'm not ready to give this up."

To give _Jared_ up, he thinks, and the thought makes him want to crawl into his bed and cry. He's never loved a job as much as he loves this one, and no matter how much he tells himself it's because it's his first own show and the character is awesome, and because the crew couldn't be better, he knows the real reason is Jared. And the thought of not seeing Jared's face every day, of not working with his best friend anymore, physically hurts him. As much as it sometimes sucks to be in love and not have his feelings returned, he'd rather deal with the heartache every day than not have Jared around anymore. He knows he can't have this forever -- one day the show will be over, and Jared will move on and he'll find someone to settle down with, someone who isn't Jensen, and be ridiculously happy. Jensen just isn't ready for that to happen yet. 

"We'll be back," Jared says, clapping Jensen on the shoulder, and Jensen wishes he could have Jared's outlook on life, his unshakable belief that everything will turn out all right. 

"Even if we do, we might not be back for a new season after this whole thing blows over," Jensen says, then laughs bitterly. "You know, sometimes I just really hate this whole industry."

"Okay, that's enough," Jared says resolutely. "Yes, it sucks, but crying about it isn't going to help. You need to cheer up, man."

"You think?" Jensen snarks, and it comes out harsher than he wanted it to. Jared doesn't seem fazed by it though.

"You're coming over to my place tonight and you won't be this grumpy anymore by the time you leave even if it kills me," he announces. "And you're not allowed to say no. You're coming."

"Fine," Jensen says with a sigh, and when Jared grins widely at him he can't bring himself to regret it even if he wants nothing more than to go home and crawl back into his bed.

+

Jensen goes home to shower and change, and then quickly calls his mom. She tells him she talked to his grandparents and that they'd understand them not coming to the dinner, and Jensen's dad is backing his mom up. Part of Jensen's a little relieved, but he hates that it even had to come to this.

By the time he makes it to Jared's place, he just wants to curl up on Jared's couch and have a few beers.

"We're watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ ," Jared says, returning from the kitchen with two bottles of beer. There's a bowl of popcorn and a plate of cookies set out on the coffee table already, and Jensen is kneeling on the floor in front of the couch, petting the dogs.

"Okay," he replies with a small smile.

Jared looks a little surprised, stepping over the dogs and Jensen to sit down on the couch. "No arguing?" he asks.

Jensen shrugs, getting up and sitting down next to Jared with a sigh. "Nah. I don't care. Just give me that beer."

Jared raises both eyebrows, but complies. "You okay?"

"Sure," Jensen says with a shrug and a forced smile.

Jared gives him a look that clearly says he doesn't believe Jensen, but he doesn't prod and Jensen's glad.

They settle in, curled up on either side of the couch. Jared watches the movie with rapt attention, dimples getting deeper each time he laughs softly. The movie is just as ridiculous as Jensen remembers it to be -- it's over the top, and there's cheesy music and there's no reason, no reason at all, for Jensen to suddenly feel his heart clench when the Grinch stands at the top of his mountain, realizing the true meaning of Christmas. 

"Jensen?" Jared murmurs, and Jensen feels his eyes stinging suddenly, a lump forming in his throat.

"I, uh, need more beer," he mumbles, jumping to his feet. He almost stumbles over Harley and Sadie in his haste to get out of the room.

It's when he's in the kitchen that he realizes that he's still clutching a mostly full bottle of beer and Jared probably thinks he's gone insane. Jensen stands in the middle of the room, shoulders slumped, and his eyes are still burning with tears and he feels stupid. Hopeless.

"Jensen," Jared says, and Jensen startles when he feels arms coming around his shoulders, pulling him back. "Hey. Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing," Jensen says, trying to level his breathing. "I'm fine."

"You're crying over a kid's movie," Jared points out softly. 

"I'm not. I just..." Jensen trails off helplessly.

"What? Had something in your eye?" Jared pulls back, hands resting on Jensen's shoulders, and nudges him until Jensen turns around. "Talk to me, Jen."

"There's nothing to talk about," Jensen says, running a hand over his face. Jared wraps a hand around his wrist and tugs it away. 

"Come on, I'm not stupid. You've been upset for a while. And it's not just because you're worrying about what will happen to the show," Jared says. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm okay," Jensen insists, leaning back against the counter with a sigh. "The whole writers' strike is stressing me out, and then there's some family stuff, and..."

"What family stuff?" Jared inquires.

"It's no big deal. It's just -- my aunt is hosting the family dinner this year and her husband has a problem with me being gay, so my mom decided we're not going to the dinner at all."

"Well, good," Jared says, and his hand curls around Jensen's shoulder. "That's good, right?"

"I don't know. I'm glad I don't have to deal with any stupid homophobic comments, but it wouldn't be the first time. I hate that my whole family has to miss out on the dinner now," Jensen explains, grimacing. "It's kind of a big thing, Christmas dinner."

"You feel guilty," Jared guesses, and Jensen feels his stomach twist at the words. He's the reason his family isn't going to the dinner and that, technically, means he _is_ to blame even if he hasn't done anything wrong. "That's stupid, you know that? I get why it sucks, but do you think your family would enjoy the dinner? They wouldn't be comfortable either."

"Maybe," Jensen says evasively and shrugs. 

"No maybe there. You know I'm right," Jared insists. He shifts to lean against the counter next to Jensen and then nudges him. "What else?"

"What?" Jensen asks.

"Before. You said the strike bothers you, and your family, and you were about to say something else but you stopped."

Jensen freezes, and then shrugs awkwardly. "Nothing," he lies.

"Oh no. You're not getting away with that," Jared says, voice serious. "Don't just brush me off like that. I'm your best friend and if something is bothering you, you tell me and I fix it. That's how it works."

Jensen's lips twitch into an involuntary smile. "You can't fix everything," he says.

"I can at least try."

"Not this time," Jensen replies.

"Let me be the judge of that," Jared says. "I'm not giving up until you tell me what's going on with you, Jensen."

Jensen sighs, looking down at the floor. There's one of the dogs' toys lying near his feet and he nudges it. It makes a soft squeaky sound as it skids over the floor. 

"There's a guy," he admits, trying to figure out what he can say without giving too much away. Without cluing Jared in on the fact that Jensen's head over heels in love with him and that sometimes it hurts like a motherfucker and Jensen has a hard time dealing with it.

"Okay," Jared says. 

"It's just the usual stupid story. I like him, he doesn't like me," Jensen finally says with a shrug, then adds softly, "I'll get over it."

"Did you tell him? How you feel about him?"

"I don't have to. Believe me."

"Then how do you really know for sure?" Jared asks. "Maybe if you give it a try, he'll surprise you. You gotta risk something sometimes."

"I think I'd rather not," Jensen says. 

"Well, any guy who doesn't want you must be insane anyway," Jared says, knocking their shoulders together. "His loss, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen agrees, voice cracking a little.

"I'm serious, Jensen. You're pretty much the most awesome guy I know." Jared slides his arm around Jensen's shoulders, tugging him closer. He rests his forehead against Jensen's temple. "I'd kill for a guy like you."

Jensen's breath hitches a little. "Don't," he says, his fingers curling around the edge of the counter. 

"Don't what?" Jared asks softly.

"Don't say stuff like that," Jensen mumbles. "Please."

"Jensen," Jared says. He moves in front of Jensen, cupping Jensen's face to tip his head up, and Jensen tries not to cringe under Jared's gaze. "I'm being serious."

Jensen's hands come up, resting on Jared's chest and he's not sure if he wants to push him away or pull him closer. "Jared," he only says instead, and it comes out half pleading.

Jared leans in and kisses him. He brushes their lips together, soft and sweet, and Jensen curls his fingers into Jared's sweater, kissing him back.

He doesn't let go even when they break the kiss. "Jared," he repeats. "What was that?"

Jared strokes his thumb over Jensen's cheek. "I can't tell you to risk something and not give it a shot myself, can I?" he says, giving Jensen a small smile. 

"Are you saying..."

"Yeah," Jared says, looking down. "I guess."

Jensen can't help the soft laugh that escapes his lips and he leans up and kisses Jared again, more insistently.

+

When Jensen wakes up the next morning, he feels relaxed for the first time in days. He stretches, blinking blearily at the alarm clock, and grins when Jared makes a soft noise behind him. The arm that's slung around Jensen's waist pulls him a little closer and he feels Jared press a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss to his neck.

"Morning," Jensen says.

"Morning," Jared replies, voice rough with sleep. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah. Really well." 

"Good," Jared murmurs, lips brushing against Jensen's skin. He shifts a little closer, their bodies pressed together, fitting perfectly. "You feel better?"

"Hmm, yeah," Jensen replies sleepily. Jared slides his hand beneath Jensen's t-shirt, settling warm and heavy on Jensen's stomach. 

"No more moping around on set all day?"

Jensen turns in Jared's arms, tangling their legs together as he goes, and smiles softly at him. 

"No more," he agrees. "I mean, I'm still not jumping around with joy about the whole Christmas dinner thing and the strike's still worrying me, but...even if we don't come back next year, we'll still have this. Right?"

Jared leans in and kisses him. "Promise," he murmurs against Jensen's lips, and Jensen feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders. As long as he gets to have this, get to have Jared, he can deal with anything else.


End file.
